Star Trek Leaking Into Work

(Warning: List-based BulkHumor follows.)

Signs that you are letting StarTrek leak too far into your work habits:

• Replaced your Enter key with an Engage key.
• If you are in management and have to fire somebody, you say:
  • "Kaaaaahn! You are fired!"
  • "Our company decided not to assimilate you after all."
• Accidently keep calling attractive female coworkers "7".
  • One of them understands the reference and slaps you. (Literally, or with a harassment complaint).
• "Dammit Jim, I am a programmer, not a network administrator!"
• Keep referring to your boss as "Captain".
• If your boss asks you to hurry up to reach a deadline, you say with a Scottish accent: "I'm givin' her all I've got, Captain".
  • Multiply estimates by a factor of four.
• An irate user calls and you head over to visit them mumbling to yourself, "Screw 'stun', phasers on 'kill' this time."
• Refer to job interview as "first contact".
• Show up for an interview and ask the receptionist to summon "Cap'n Kirk and Mister Spock"
• Refer to the fax machine as "the paper transporter".
  • Or the "flattened sheet of carbon fibers transporter".
• Look at your paycheck and say, "There is no way in hell I'll live long and prosper".
• Refer to a CartesianJoin as "Infinite diversity in infinite combinations".
• Rig your desktop computer to throw sparks and smoke if a program crashes (see PlasmaToTheFace).
• Refer to the marketing department as "the Ferengi".
• Refer to your monitor as "the main viewer".
• Refer to files with "hidden" attribute as "cloaked".
• Refer to over-promised difficult projects as "boldly going where no man has gone before".
• Replace "Women" sign on restroom with "where no man has gone before".
• Keep saying to the coffee machine, "Tea, Earl Grey, Hot!"
• Think wearing red ties will get you canned.
• Refer to the server room as "the engine room".
  • The cafeteria is "Ten-Forward"
  • The main meeting room is "the bridge"
• Offsite client visit is an "Away mission".
• A vacation is a "Risa visit".
• Keep telling users that you are an explorer and not on a military mission.
• When you get stuck on a project, you immediately try to call Spock via the wall thermostat.
  • Double points if he answers.
• Ask coworkers if they want to play Fizzbin after work.
• Keep running into doors because they don't automatically open.
• Try using the voice interface to your computer. Once it has been pointed out that your Boss hasn't installed speech-recognition, and you should use the keyboard, exclaim, "The keyboard. How quaint!"
• "Sorry, boss, I can't come to your office because I am out of transporter range."
• Refer to the phone as a "communicator".
• "Sorry, I can't hear you clearly on this communicator. There must be trionomic radiation on this planet." (80% of the planets they visit seem to have some kind of radiation that blocks their communication or their transporters. It is powerful enough to knock out 24th-century technology but still not fry humans devoid of space suits.)
• You bet 100 Quatloos in the office baseball pool.
• You call a coworker's style KlingonProgramming.
  • Extra points if you start programming in a Klingon font.
• A hostile management take-over is considered "assimilation", and the take-over initiators are called "The Borg".

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CategoryStarTrek, CategoryHumor, CategoryGetOffMyLawn