Klingon Programming
It appears that MicroSoft has hired Klingons....
- Specifications are for the weak and timid!
- This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code! You are MISTAKEN!! Only a most excellent machine could be worthy of being compared to a plate of gagh! How dare you! I am NOT mistaken. Machines should not be eaten, they are weapons, they should be hard and sharp, not soft and creepy!
- You cannot really appreciate Dilbert until you have heard it in the original Klingon.
- Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
- What is this talk of "Release"? Klingons do not make software "releases". Our software "escapes", leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake!
- Klingon functions calls do not have "parameters" - They have "ARGUMENTS" and they ALWAYS WIN.
- "Debugging"? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.
- I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat'leth contest. They will not concern us, again.
- A TRUE Klingon warrior does not comment his code!
- By filing this user request, you have challenged the honour of my family! PREPARE TO DIE!!
- You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
- Our users will know fear, and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!!
- Sales people have no honor
- Four thousand lines of code may be typed in one night by a fast coder.
- A bug may become a feature in the time it takes to compile the code.
- Only a fool codes in an IDE.
- Perhaps today IS a good day to resign!
- Test or Code. Not both!
- They are not our customers. They are our enemies!
- Out Project Manager acted like a spineless P'taaq in that meeting! I have deleted his login and I assume command myself!
This is fun the first time you see it. A quick observation, though, is that a search on http://www.google.com shows that this already appears on the web some 200 times. Maybe I'm just a PartyPooper ...
This page would not be complete without mentioning Var'aq, the Klingon ProgrammingLanguage. One typically ends a program with "abort(); kill(); kill();"
http://www.geocities.com/connorbd/varaq/