Things In It Hell
Things you find in IT hell:
- The right parenthesis key is broken on the Lisp work-station
- TopMind is your XP partner
- COBOL is your only scripting language, BrainFuck if you complain.
- All code must be done with punched IBM cards, and the card lab is very windy. Only the Three Stooges are allowed to load and unload cards from the hopper.
- Microsoft Office has Word 6.0, Excel 7.0, and Access 8.0., and must share the same DLL library.
- You find out gargoyle programmers work twice as hard for 1/10 the coal.
- The HP printers are free, but the cartridges cost an arm and a leg, literally.
- GrammarVandal checks all your code comments, and sends you back to the card lab if you make a single mistake. And he/she/it doesn't tell you where the mistake is. Before you consider avoiding this by skipping comments:
- Your memory of the past 6 months is intermittently erased without notice such that you have to re-learn and read your own code and comments.
- Binary 1 and 0 is replaced with MAYBE and MAYBE NOT.
- Vi is given to Emacs fans and Emacs to vi fans. They wrestle every evening at 7. Fighting ring has no fence.
- Coders are forced to actually see the sun.
- Coders are forced to have lunch with marketers.
- The humility and cooperativeness of coders infect all mankind.