Steven Wright

A comedian of few words, and many insights - http://www.stevenwright.com/index.shtml

Steven Wright Biography

I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.

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Delivers with a deadpan, lots of short one liners, like:

• I was once walking through the forest alone and a tree fell right in front of me and I didn't hear it.
• For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier...I put them in the same room and let them fight it out...
• I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically
• I put instant coffee in my microwave oven and almost went back in time.
• I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
• Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
• It's a small world - but I wouldn't want to paint it.
• You can't have everything...Where would you put it?
• I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit ...
• When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
• One time I went to a museum where all the work in the museum had been done by children. They had all the paintings up on refrigerators.
• There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.
• OK, so what's the speed of dark?
• What does "definition" mean?