Obnoxious Things To Do With An Oscar

People are forever refusing knighthoods and Nobels, but the best cred is to blow off an Oscar. Not too many folk with enough sense actually get the opportunity, but you never know, so here's some stylistic suggestions:

• Turn your back and throw it into the crowd like a bouquet.
• Take along one of those anatomically correct plastic pocket protectors with real hair they sell in porno shops and plonk it on top of Oscar like a turban. Ask the presenter to spit on it first.
• Battery powered circular saw or small blowtorch ... if you can get 'em past security ...
• Try to fit the whole thing in your mouth at once. I've seen movies - it _IS_ possible.
• Dab crazy-glue on it with your handkerchief and stick it to the presenter.
• Throw it straight up in the air mortor board style (or 2001 style) and get out of the way quick.
• Auction it at the podium. Buy beer.
• Others?

• Shove it past the first bend?
  • Seems to lack a certain panache.