Hacker Methodology
In contrast to the good points made by the AgileManifesto, the following is offered, in jest, on behalf of those who don't wear ties or khakis.
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Tools should be superior to individuals as they are more reliable, and processes must be superfluid because you don't have the time to wait for les incompetents.
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Working software is self-documenting (...because you're the best).
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Customer "training" over "collaboration", with air-tight contracts to lock-in your strategy.
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As your knowledge >> corporate knowledge, your plan includes overthrowing their nebulous "needs requirements" sheet.
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Overtake corporate customer because with all the dialog (UserStories) you've been having, you know they're completely wrong-headed.
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Take over world.